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Learn English with jokes!

At times like this, we all need a bit of humour. So, just to help, we’ve got two jokes for you. But best of all, you can learn English with jokes!

Jokes are great for lots of reasons. You can learn new words, see how English grammar works, and improve your listening and speaking skills (if you retell the joke). But best of all, it doesn’t feel like work or study because jokes are fun to listen to!


The two jokes in this lesson have the following titles: Dog Bite & Weather Forecast. What do you think they might be about?

Now, let’s see some words that appear in the jokes. This will help prepare you for them.


If something is “cute”, it’s nice and attractive. For example, babies, puppies and kittens are all cute.

To pet

If you “pet” an animal, you touch it gently with your hand; also, a “pet” is an animal you keep at home: a dog, cat, parrot, etc.

A doggie

A “doggie” is an informal word for a dog, often a little dog.

To bite

If an animal “bites” you, it uses its teeth to cut your skin: “The snake bit me.”


This is something we say when we suddenly feel pain. For example, if someone steps on your foot.

A weather forecast

A “weather forecast” tells you what the weather will be tomorrow, etc.


“Gloves” are things you put on your hands to keep them warm.

To respond

If you “respond” to someone, you answer them.

On the one hand… but on the other hand

We use this expression to talk about two points. “On the one hand” introduces the first point; and “but on the other hand” introduces the second point. This second point is often a new and different idea. For example: “On the one hand I really like the car, but on the other hand I think it’s a bit expensive.”

2 Listening activity


1 Listening 1

Now, let’s listen to the two jokes. Listen once without stopping and try to understand as much as you can. Don’t worry if you don’t understand everything – just try to get the gist of them (a general understanding of them). It’s very important that you try to do this. It’ll really help with your listening skills. So, listen once and say which joke you prefer or understand more.


2 Listening 2

Now, listen again. This time you can stop the audio and play it again as many times as you like. Then, choose the correct answers. [answers below]

Joke 1

  1. What does the dog do to the man? It… a) bites him b) licks him
  2. Is it the shopkeeper’s dog? a) yes  b) no

Joke 2

  1. How many gloves is Gary wearing? a) one b) two
  2. What type of weather are they expecting? a) snow or rain b) fine weather or rain

3 Listening 

Now listen to the audio and read the script (see below) at the same time. This is great for your listening skills!

4 Speaking

Now try telling one of the jokes to a friend, colleague or teacher. Try to use as many of the words and expressions as possible. Don’t read it out word for word! If you want, use notes to help you remember it. This is great for your speaking skills, and it’ll really help you remember the new words and the grammar!

 Audio script

Dog Bite

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your

doggie bite?” The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog doesn’t bite.” The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!”

The shopkeeper replies, “That’s not my dog!”

Weather Forecast

James is walking down the road one morning when he meets his friend Gary. “Morning, Gary. Erm … Gary, do you realise you’re wearing a glove on one hand but not on the

other?” Gary responds, “Yes, well, I listened to the weather forecast this morning. The forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine, but on the other hand there might be some rain.”


 Listening 2

1a   2b    3a    4b

Staying motivated to learn English can be difficult when the materials are boring. But this is where the monthly magazine, Learn Hot English magazine can help. Our completely up to date, really fun magazine with 60 minute audio – SEE MORE HERE

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